well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
