we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
