I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize