I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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