the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
