I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Ladies don't puke and tell
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
