Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
