I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
