i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
