There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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