I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
