The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
