No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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