My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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