Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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