my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
