if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
