OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
