I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
