He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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