You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I hope mine doesn't look like that
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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