her vagine was all disorganized.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
