I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
