Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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