Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
