i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
