I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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