I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
