Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
