He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
