I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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