Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
