i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She even gives head with a lisp.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
