yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
