Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
