R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
