Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
