and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
