just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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