did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
