im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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