Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
