first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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