Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
