There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
