When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
