I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
