can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
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