Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize