Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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