you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
