Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
