I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
