dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
