she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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