i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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