Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
