i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
