I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
