So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
