Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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