out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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