She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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