He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
