Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
