whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
it hurts more in the daytime
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
