I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
