u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
