I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
