I just made out with a guy for $7.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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