did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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