I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
