I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Dicks are not precious.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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