Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
